The 8 Most Unhinged Suggestions

If, like us, you’re spending eternity constantly hitting the refresh button in hope of a 2020 US Election verdict, then perhaps you’ll be interested in this quick distraction. Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop has unveiled its annual festive gift guides and, as we’ve come to expect, it’s full of all the bizarre, what-actual-planet-are-you-on-Gwynny present ideas you could hope for.

So, to save (myself and) you from smashing your face against the wall repeatedly, I took it upon myself to wade through every single gift category and select the most unhinged and often dumb-expensive suggestions gracing 2020’s selection. Let’s not dwell on whether it was worth the hassle.

The gift groups are Wellness, Men’s, Lover’s, Ridiculous but Awesome, Under $100, Cook’s, Traveler’s (lol, good one guys), Kid’s, Forward-to-Your-SO, and Host’s. You’ll find our highlights below.

This $7,770 Fitness Set

Category: Wellness

Because nothing really screams true yogi like a $2,150 cashmere yoga mat.

A $12,000+ Study Pod

Category: Ridiculous but Awesome

It’s a posh shed.

A $38,000 Mattress

Category: Ridiculous but Awesome

For conscious living.

Hermès $4,425 skateboard

Category: Ridiculous but Awesome

“This longboard is the ideal transport for traveling through the urban jungle with hair blowing in the wind or for a leisurely stroll. It combines outdoor sport and mobility equipment and tells the colorful story of Hermes silk scarves.”

Lol, ok then.

A Sex Journal for Couples

Category: Lover’s 

This is essentially a questionnaire for couples that need to spice things up a bit. Designed to be picked up right after sex, the book features a bunch of prompts that you and your partner fill out separately, and then together. The idea is that you’ll align and reflect on what worked best because, you know, nothing says improving your sex life like whipping out a little post-bone homework the moment it’s over.

The Watermelon Bag

Category: Ridiculous but Awesome

Do you even fruit if you don’t have a custom leather bag for it?

Bread Lamps

Category: Ridiculous but Awesome

A personal highlight, Pampshade’s bread-shaped lamps are made from actual bread — they cover loaves in resin and then stick an LED light inside. Not sure who the brand’s target audience is but, quite frankly, who cares.

Turn Your Plants Into Music

Category: Ridiculous but Awesome

This is actually pretty sweet. It’s a radio that comes with sensors, which you attach to plant leaves and the kinetic energy the plants create is converted to music. Also a big level up for anyone quarantining solo and talking to their plants anyway.

Find all the guides here.

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