Back in January, financial news site MarketWatch wrote an article suggesting people should have saved twice their salary by the time they reach 35 years old. The article popped up again on Twitter recently, but with most millennials only able to dream of such savings, the scathing responses were as predictable as they were hilarious.
By 35, you should have twice your salary saved, according to retirement experts: https://t.co/QoVA6EFpHJ
— MarketWatch (@MarketWatch) May 12, 2018
Plenty sarcastically pointed out the difference in financial opportunity available to millennials compared with baby boomers, while another user appeared confused by the concept of these new-fangled “salaries,” assuming them to be something to do with Pokémon.
Millennial retirement plan:
1. Invent a time machine
2. Travel back to 1955 when mere mortals could afford houses
3. Return to 2018 and sell the house for 50x what you paid for it
4. Repeat until you can afford rent and health insurance in 2018
— Rob Wallis (@ghezbora) May 15, 2018
I've done the math, and I can retire about 10 years after I die, if nothing else happens.
— Joan reads, which is more than Trump does (@cosmyra64) May 14, 2018
Salary is a grass pokémon right https://t.co/sqWhjkPm37
— Leesha Hannigan (@LeeshaHannigan) May 14, 2018
Others took it to the next level, putting their own spin on the article and offering their own life-goals to hit by 35, and thus a meme is born.
By age 35 you should have lost at least twice your most valuable information for lack of backups.
— Miguel de Icaza (@migueldeicaza) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have at least one fork in your cutlery drawer that you just don’t like, and actively frown at if you accidentally grab it.
— Nutella Enchanted (@chrisopotamia) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones
— Lori G 🌸 (@LoriG) May 19, 2018
By age 35 you should have a junk drawer filled with USB flash drives you’re reluctant to throw out because you don’t know what’s on them but are reluctant to plug in because… you don’t know what’s on them
— aloria 🦔 (@aloria) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should run into friends and say "WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!" twice a week. You will never hang out. You'll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.
— Luke Trayser (@trukelayser) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have reached that stage of time confusion where you're convinced the 90s was only 10 years ago.
— Jen Williams (@sennydreadful) May 21, 2018
By age 35, you should have figured out how to spell “bananas” without having to mentally sing Hollaback Girl
— Jon "Jon Baker" Baker (@JonBaker) May 20, 2018
By age 35, millennials should have 40,000 avocado toasts set aside for retirement.
— Paul Fairie (@paulisci) May 15, 2018
By age 35 you should have a shelf full of books you can't read because they're not ebooks, but can't throw away either because you intend to read them.
— Kiran Jonnalagadda (@jackerhack) May 20, 2018
Listen. Meghan Markle wasn't a duchess til age 36 so stop telling me what I should have by age 35.
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 21, 2018
By 35 you should have invested in at least 3 Unicorns
— Jason M. Lemkin 🦄 (@jasonlk) May 21, 2018
By 35, you should be a werewolf. Being a werewolf is essential to a happy retirement
— CATBOY SLIM (@Kamunt) May 21, 2018
By 35 you should have accepted that pickles are a necessary part of a hamburger and your palate should have evolved as such
— Upulie Divisekera (@upulie) May 21, 2018
By age 35, you should have at least 10 framed pictures of Jeff Goldblum in your home.
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) May 20, 2018
By 35, you should realise that no-one has the faintest clue what they're doing, and the state of desperately bluffing it is a permanent feature of the human condition.
— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley) May 21, 2018
What are your goals by age 35? And how much do you have in the bank?
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